sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
