I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
