you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
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I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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