she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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