I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Drunk is not a location!
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize