a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
