ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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