I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Drunk is not a location!
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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