one two three fourrrrnication!
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
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The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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