My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
