we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
