Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
