Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
