So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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