how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
