So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
