dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
