My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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