oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
