there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
