I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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