if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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