This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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