Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
