you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
