i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
