who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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