So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
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