he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
