Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
