I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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