just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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