then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Also, beer. Big fan.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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