I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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