Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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