I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
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our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
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I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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