I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
