um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
