he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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