sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
