just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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