the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
