Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize