So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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