god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
