I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize