dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
