i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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