I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
