hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
