I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize