SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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