I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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