I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
