Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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