I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
