Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
