i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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